Game of Thrones Season 4: Episode 4 recap

Spoilers ahead!

Oh. It was the Tyrell's. Specifically Lady Tyrell, with a little help from Littlefinger. The murder of King Joffrey has been solved. My plot hole accusations last week may have been a tad hasty, as it all got cleared up very tidily. Which, if I'm completely honest, is a little bit of a disappointment. I really thought we were going to have a bit of a mystery, a bit of intrigue as this season progressed. Can't have it all. Unless you're Petyr Baliesh, in which case you can certainly try.

But the motive was, essentially, Lady Tyrell not wanting her granddaughter to marry a psychopath.  Makes sense. And she did show some genuine affection for Sansa, which explains organising her escape. Guess she didn't have much sympathy for poor Tyrion though.

You may wonder, how did the poisoned gem even make it to Lady Tyrell? I had to go hunting back in episode two to find the sleight of hand:

A move worthy of Huell himself.

Nice work, Game of Thrones showrunners. I appreciate that kind of thoroughness. (Now deal with if Tywin actually thinks Tyrion killed Joffrey!)

Outside Meereen, Khaleesi's army await nightfall, killing time learning to read and reminiscing about childhoods; half-remembered, lost or otherwise. Grey Worm is learning bit by bit, and his passion for 'killing the masters' has a foreshadowing of doom about it. Because let's not forget, once all the slaves are freed, there will still be one master left- and she's got three dragons.

Rush hour in Meereen is the worst.

But no time for casting aspersions on the future- it's time instead for a group of unsullied to secret their way into the slave quarters of Meereen and convince the occupants that they can have their freedom - if they want it enough. Also if they have bags of swords. Also if they can strategically organise to converge upon a single master in an afore-designated intersection where whoever has the best penmanship has previously scrawled 'Kill the Masters' in legible English. But then: freedom!

Jaime, the villain supremo of last week is back to his affable self, duelling with Bronn by the sea in the morning air, with nary a mention of rape. Good times, I guess. And then Bronn brings up the fact that Tywin is sitting in his prison cell and has yet to receive a visit from his brother. And this, after Tyrion asked for Jaime to be his champion at his trial in the Eyrie. Time for everyone to sympathise about a great brother this rapist is.

So, Jaime visits with his brother and offers advice that amounts to 'Look on the bright side'. The bright side in this instance is having a literal pot to literally piss in. Jaime's no Dr Phil. But his advice is less inane, I suppose.

They're on a boat! (It was late and I was tired)

Sansa and Joffrey are still on a boat to the Eyrie, and it was refreshing (because I actually doubted it would happen) when Sansa actually asked the question 'Did you kill Joffrey?'. His wordy explanation results in him confessing: "I helped my new friends". The crossfade to Margaery and Lady Tyrell is a nice one, as Tyrell the elder explains how she manipulated her way to power, doing 'what needs to be done' and includes a momentary close up of Lady Tyrell fingering her granddaughter's necklace. A sign that there are more poisonings to come?

My bling got 'em calling me.

Taking the advice to heart, Margaery begins doing what needs to be done, which in the first instance is sneaking into Tommen's bedroom in the dark of night to do some grooming of the young King-to-be, complete with 'little secrets' that he can't tell his Mum.

At Castle Black, Jon Snow is attempting to train the other men in battle, and we see that Roose Bolton's man, Locke (the man who took Jaime's hand), in what may be the fastest geographical move of a character in the series, has bluffed his way into the Night's Watch as a way to locate the last of the Stark clan and wipe them out. The scene is peppered with references to 'disarming' and 'losing a hand'. You can't accuse these writers of being humourless (unless they're writing the Craster's Keep scenes).

O' Captain, My Captain.

In the hopes that the journey to the afore-mentioned Keep will end in Jon Snow's death, Commander Thorne agrees to let Jon go, but only with volunteers. Jon gives a rousing speech, and a handful of loyal comrades rise to stand with him. Part of me wishes they'd stood up on their benches and quoted some Walt Whitman.

Cersei and Jaime have another heart-to-heart (no mention of last week's indiscretion (a term worthy of the show's lack of interest in following up on the scene)), and Cersei presents her brother with what the show does consider murky moral territory: if he swore an oath to Lady Catelyn Stark to save her daughters, and Lady Catelyn is now dead, should he still honour his oath?

Jaime, because he is honourable under some circumstances, makes arrangements for Brienne to set out to save Sansa from the vengeful actions of Cersei. He prepares some gifts for her: his Valyrion steel sword, which she names Oathkeeper, a new suit of armour and Tyrion's disenfranchised steward, Podrick (who she might not have been so reluctant to accept if she knew his reputation around the King's Landing brothels. He could truly be the gift that keeps on giving).

Life at Craster's Keep has gone from bad to worse as the Night's Watch mutineers have turned the place into a nightmare of sexual assault and bone crockery. The leader of the group is Karl Tanner, whose makes a gallant grab as the latest most vile character. When Bran, Hodor and the Reed twins stumble upon the camp, things take a turn for the worst. But maybe we'll see a minor family reunion this season when Jon makes it to the Keep? (If Jon makes it to the Keep).
 

To close things off, we get a glimpse of the White Walkers lair, a monumental construction of stone and ice, reminiscent of an air-conditioned Mount Doom. And here we find out exactly what happens to all of Craster's sons who have left out in the cold. They've been turned into ice zombies for the growing army of White Walkers. Question: despite being turned into these 'undead' creatures, do the babies still grow into adulthood? Or is it an army of walkers and militant babies? Because that would make an amazing ending to the series. You're welcome, George RR, you can start wrapping things up.


Postscript: I've since read that this episode veered off wildly from the books (more than usual) (the stuff with the white walkers, Locke turning up at Castle Black). Looks like this may be the moment the show's fans split: are you canon or non-canon?!