Game of Thrones Season 4: Episode 3 recap

Spoilers ahead!

So, no time to waste! Sansa's timely benefactor, Dontos, turns out to be nothing more than a fool for hire as it is revealed that Littlefinger himself was behind not only the fool's gift of the last family heirloom in episode one, but also arranged her timely getaway.

The plotholes in this episode are almost too numerous to mention. It may all become clear, but the circumstances surrounding the main suspects (thus far) in Joffrey's assassination are really pretty ludicrous. Are we to assume that Littlefinger knew specifically about the murder in advance? How else does the show explain his extraordinary timing? Has he been sitting in a fog bank for days? Weeks? Awaiting an opportunity for the fool to escort Sansa to safety? After all that exposure to moisture he'd have the demeanor of Stannis Baratheon by now.

Alternatively, are expected to believe that Tywin seriously suspects Tyrion of poisoning Joffrey? We all know he loathes this son of his, but surely he realises his son isn't idiotic enough to carry out revenge in this way. Unless we leap to the conclusion (as Tyrion himself points out) that Tywin himself conspired against the King, how do reconcile this uncharacteristic mindlessness on the part of the most strategic character? Perhaps that's it - it's nothing but strategy - he knows Tyrion's innocent, but is buying time to shore up the support of Oberyn Martell in the new King's council while also investigating the crime himself? Theories abound!

Images: courtesy of Westeros BnB

 Tyrion is spending his time much like Ned Stark at the end of season one, sitting in a cell (though this one is better lit than his, by which I mean: actually has light) and is visited by his loyal steward Podrick, who manages to smuggle in cheese, sausage and other snacks for his boss. When he delivers news that he was approached the 'Ominous They' to testify against Tyrion (and both didn't tell them anything but also gave them an answer - which is it, Pod?!) Tyrion dismisses him from duty and orders him to leave the city. But not before we get a scene of back-and-forth pacing as Tyrion pontificates on the true culprits in the crime, like a regular Miss Marple. (Idea: GoT spin-off: Tyrion P.I.: Tyron Lannister, ex-diploma playboy finds himself reluctantly assuming the role of private investigator as a crime wave spreads through the seedy underbelly of coastal city Kings Landing. Only someone with his quick-thinking stands a chance at solving each week's outrageous case!)

Ask yourself: who wouldn't watch this?!

Totally gross.

Cersei still really wants Tyrion dead for his perceived crime, and it's nice that her rationale for his culpability goes back to his promise that he will make her pay when she least expects it. Her obvious distress plays precursor to this episode's tailor-made sequence of unpleasantness with Jaime (the swinging pendulum of audience allegiance himself) swinging his way back into the villain books by raping his eternal love/sister/ex-queen Cersei, right next to their son's body on the slab. An unpleasant, shocking scene, it's also an unusual (but not uncharacteristic) diversion from the books. Do we mark this down as poor form?

Long live the King?

What is clear is that Tommen is indeed next in line to the throne. Tywin takes the opportunity to question the young man about the qualities required to be a truly good king. Turns out it's pretty specific: always listen to grandad.

Meanwhile, our favourite double act, Arya and the Hound continue their way toward the Eyrie, stopping briefly to take shelter, eat rabbit stew, be as insulting as possible during a single sitting, and eventually act out some minor assault and thievery. Still, you can't fault the Hound's reasoning- that guy and his daughter are definitely going to be dead by winter (is coming).

At Castle Black things are a little Ramsay St, as Sam and Gilly have a series of scenes that are  marginally more memorable than a break-up on Neighbors (from what I've seen). The tacit misunderstandings, the frustratingly unspoken truths, the cold shoulders etc. Of course, this melodrama is helped is markedly by taking place largely inside the 'safest place to be': a More's town brothel, as opposed to say, a Melbourne cul-de-sac.

Back in the pertual dank of Dragonstone, Stannis' mood has been slightly enlivened by news that the usurper Joffrey has been laid to waste. Which means the pressure is on Ser Davos to actually deliver the army he has promised. He's in a tight spot since the only houses he has won to the cause are lacking in manpower. And they can't employ sellswords because they have no gold. And then, while reading and listening to Princess Shireen make Monty Python references, Davos stumbles on a brilliant idea - aligning with the Iron Bank of Braavos, to whom the Lannisters in a most dire financial debt.

I can smoulder, and strategise while I smoulder.

The Wildlings and Thenns are on the rampage, attacking and slaughtering and eating local villages in the North. This, coupled with the arrival of two escapees from last season's Craster's Keep mutiny prompts Jon Snow to effectively volunteer to go back over the wall and wipe out those who are left, since they know full well the limited defense capacity of the Night's Watch.

Ain't no thing.

At the beautifully  digital city of Meereen, Khaleesi wishes to speak to the slave population of the city, but has to wait until Daario Naharis proves his worth by blinding a horse and decapitating its rider (which he totally does).  I'm warming to the cast change.  Khaleesi promises the slaves freedom from their masters. As a gesture, her army catapults barrels of broken chains into the city to illustrate their point. I would warrant that catapulting chisels or hacksaws into the city might also make the same point, but with same practical value. But that's just me.