Game of Thrones Season 4: Episode 1 recap

Spoilers ahead! 

It's back! We've had ten months to digest the last season, and hopefully it was long enough, because things aren't slowing down in season 4. This episode plays more like a mid season chapter than a traditional season opener- sure, the war is over, (or not over, because 'Stannis still lives') but nothing has ended. With myriad storylines still midstream (this season is merely the second half of the third book), the plot moves steadily forward rather than reestablishing where everybody is (everywhere) and who they want to kill (everyone).

The season opens with Tywin Lannister, Hand of the King, forging two new swords from Robb Stark's oversized weapon, one of which he gives to his clean cut for-the-first-time in a season son, Jaime (Kingslayer, Oathbreaker, Man with the Golden Fist, Leftie). Jaime likes the sword but takes the news that he no longer has a place in the King's guard rather poorly. Jaime's world has been realigned and he's no longer at the centre of it. He's forty (as everyone keeps reminding him), has no family of his own and his greatest skill has been snatched from him. He plays petulant and remarkably, gets his way- after all, his sister Cersei's not in Casterley Rock where Tywin wants him, she's here.

The couple that plays together, stays together.

Tyrion looks to welcome the first new character of the season, Prince Oberyn Mortell of Dorne as a guest at the King's wedding. He's not much for ceremony (unless the ceremony involves his paramour and he picking out decidedly untimid and/or expensive prostitutes). The introduction of the Oberyn leads to the seasons first instance of full frontal nudity (Mark it: Game of Thrones made it ten whole minutes without full frontal nudity this season) as he and Ellaria check out the wares in Littlefinger's brothel. When Oberyn decides he also wants the goods from the male 'procurer', the show has missed a major opportunity to display a little gratuitous male nudity to offset the charges of gratuitous female nudity. C'mon HBO, show some balls (zing!).

Also- Oberyn wants to kill all Lannisters because: family history. Take a ticket, right?

My kingdom for a close shave!

Meanwhile, in the desert, Khaleesi is hanging with some seriously sizable dragons which give a true indication of their potential savagery when they fight over a broken lamb body and snap at their master. Khaleesi's a little shaken by the incident by assured by Ser Jorah that she shouldn't be worried- the creatures will never truly be tamed. And if you can't trust a man with a perpetual 5 o'clock shadow, who can you trust?

Maybe the new Daario Naharios? The recast warrior that was once a bit of a WWF-wrestler-by-way-of-Fabio, but is now Sonny, the musician junkie from Treme. Casting director is an easy job, in my opinion:

Same same.

Khaleesi and her mammoth unsullied army continue on their way to Meereen, a charming place where nothing goes to waste- you can make a medicinal tea from their flowers, or signposts from the corpses of children. Conservatives try to warn us of the dangers of sustainability, this must be what they're talking about.

Meanwhile, back in King's Landing, Shae is trying to get Sansa to eat, because she's lost a bit of appetite since she found out her whole family was murdered a few weeks ago at the Red Wedding (you might have heard about it, it featured on the internet). Tyrion tries his best to make her feel better, but to no avail. Thankfully she runs into the Knight-turned-fool that she saved from beheading at Joffrey's name day. He's so grateful for her mercy that he gives her his only possession/family heirloom, a maternal necklace. She's touched.

C'mon!

Jaime explains to Cersei that they'll finally be able to be together again, now that he's on the King's Guard but she's having none of it. She's pretty annoyed that he spent a year (guesswork) being captured and escaped and maimed and not being, well, there. And now, betrothed, boozy and seeking the aid of unlicensed maester Qyburn for some obscure ailments, Cersei claims that Jaime has returned 'too late' for them to continue their forbidden love. No one does ill-tidings like Game of Thrones!

The Wildlings, including Ygritte are biding their time waiting for word from Mance to launch their attack on Castle Black. Instead the Thenns arrive, on Mance's orders. The latest new characters appear to be self mutilating cannibals with mean tracking skills. I'm assuming they'd exhausted supplies in their long journey, since I can't imagine an arm makes for the most satisfying of meals, if the whole human body is the menu. (Got to be the thighs, right?)

I fuckin' hate pikeys.

At Castle Black, Jon Snow has a renewed sense of self-assurance as he fronts to the Night's Watch council, laying out his series of misdeeds and sounds just a little like a kid in the schoolyard- 'yeah, I laid with a wildling, like hundreds of times'. Of course, it turns out that everyone at the Night's Watch has been dipping their pen in the ink at the local brothel anyway. (Was this already common knowledge?)

Margaery Tyrell meets the mighty Brienne of Tarth and learns about such things as smoke demons, like the one who murdered her brother and resembled an oily Stannis. She's none too perturbed by the news, perhaps taking heed of her grandmother's advice and playing the cards close to her chest, or does her nonchalance betray a deeper knowledge?

And finally, Arya and Clegane the Hound continue on their way North, riffing and bickering as they do. When Arya accuses the Hound of having double standards in regards to infanticide vs common thievery, the show even drops a reference to The Wire, just for a laugh. But they weren't the first to do it:

In search of food, but with no money, they stumble across a small tavern, where Arya spots the Lannister soldier named Polliver who killed her friend Lommy with Arya's own sword, several episodes ago. The soldiers are portrayed as the raping, pillaging types, so we get have a good laugh as the Hound lays them to waste with face-breaking blows, swords through the backs and knifes (repeatedly) to the face. When Arya finally gets her moment of retaliation on the slimy Polliver, repeating his very own lines until the realisation dawns on him, there is a look in the young actress' eyes that reveals perhaps a monstrous nature being brought to life. She's starting to enjoy the revenge business.

Say hello to my little friend

So there's plenty of stuff happening, but we're not yet up to speed on Davos rebuilding Stannis' army and how things are going with Melisandre. Bran is over the wall somewhere and  the freshly euniched Theon Greyjoy is still presumably chained up in a dungeon while his sister makes way to rescue him. It's important to have something to look forward to.