Game of Thrones Season 4: Episode 5 recap



Spoilers ahead!

Now that was a good episode. Maybe one of the best! Slightly clunky in a few exposition parts ("remember the time I poisoned my husband?"), but considering the changed nature of the landscape following this episode, and how deftly it brings us full circle from the very first episode of the series, it's easy to overlook a few stumbles.

The things we do for everything.
The biggest revelation of the episode (arguably the series, up to this point) is tucked away in the middle of the episode. The realisation that Littlefinger has been the puppet master behind this game of thrones all along, whose very actions kicked the entire series into motion. It was he who conspired to murder King Robert Baratheon's Hand of the King, Jon Aryn of the Vale, and then have the widow Lysa write a letter to her sister Catelyn Stark (way back in season 1, episode 1) blaming the Lannisters for his death. This brings Ned Stark to King's Landing where he is eventually executed (spoiler) after coming to believe Aryn's murder was a means of covering up Joffrey's true lineage. This in turn kicks the brewing turmoil into all-our war.  All the while, Littlefinger was secreting away money in his role of Master of Coin, awaiting his chance to marry Lady Lysa  and thus gain control of an impenetrable fortress with a strong army undiminished by a war in which they take no part. Phew. Did you get all that? I probably missed some stuff.

Kudos, Littlefinger. That's some nice long term scheming. 

I now pronounce you: better than your brother.
Meanwhile: Tommen's coronation is a decidedly upbeat affair, probably because the crowd, for a change, feel like the chances of suddenly being humiliated and murdered by their king for no reason are suddenly super low. A basic prerequisite for a party in my book. Margaery makes lovey faces at Tommen all the while, selecting the most obvious place in the royal hall to do it. It's not long before Cersei eyes her off and saddles alongside her. The party has obviously put her in a good mood too, because despite playing her cards pretty close to her chest (we must assume) and actually seemed to seek a mutually beneficial arrangement with Margaery rather than tossing threats at her.  Same goes for when Cersei tries to find common ground with Prince Oberyn by waxing sentimental about their children. She must be up to something, right?

In Meereen, everyone is good and cleaned up (except, again, Ser Jorah, still unshaven) after their successful victory. Jorah has good news and bad news though. And he's obviously taken some managing relationship courses because he knows how to deliver constructive criticism the middle management way- by using the sandwich method! 

E-book coming soon.
First, take a slice of good news bread:
Hey Khalessi, Joffrey is dead! That means there's dissent within the kingdom.


But then; the meat of criticism:
Hey Khaleesi- remember all those places you liberated? Well, the slavers have taken over again. Everyone's saying the Mother of Dragons ain't such a liberator after all - the PR department are losing their minds. It's pretty bad.


And to complete the constructive criticism sandwich you add one more piece of good news bread: 
Hey, Khalessi- you now have enough men (9300), enough boats (93) and enough dragons (3) to take King's Landing. And maybe the rest of Westeros, if you're lucky. 


Jorah serves it up and..bam:
Instead of launching an invasion on Westeros, Khaleesi decides to take some time to "rule" the lands she has already conquered. She's working on improving her leadership skills before taking the next step in career progression. Tick that 'satisfactory' box on her performance review.

Tywin and Cersei have a heart to heart, organising Tommen's marriage to Margeary (that was fast) in two weeks, Cersei's marriage to Loras (in a month) and the reasons this is so important. Laying out quite bluntly what had been alluded to regularly through the show- that the Lannisters are woefully in debt to the Iron Bank of Braavos and without the help of the Tyrells, they won't be in power very long. After all, they've mined no gold in three years (bastards probably didn't even pay mining taxes when they were), it's all on credit.

Arya and the Hound (place of pride as last on her doomed men list) take a brief respite in the countryside to sleep, practice sword fighting and say 'cunt' a bit more. Also, the Hound thinks Braavosi sword fighting sucks.

A face only a prostitute could
love and love and love
...
Brienne and Podrick get off to a rocky start, what with his lack of riding skills, lack of meal prepping skills (he stomps a burning rabbit rather than throwing it in the creek that is just there) and reluctance to accept his release from the oath of squireship. It's only when he happens to mention that put a spear through the back of Kings Guard's head at the Battle of Blackwater that Brienne sees his true value. She asks him to help remove her armour. It's as close to an ohhhh as Game of Thrones gets.

Jon and his men are at Craster's Keep. Just like that. It's thrilling that some of this stuff is happening so swiftly, after four years of "winter is coming" and dragons gradually getting bigger, I love that the show just pushed straight ahead with this storyline. Locke proves himself adept at moving around unnoticed, spying out the location of Bran and his crew in a small hut on the grounds. 

You can tell way more about a person from their
eHarmony profile pic than the profile alone.
The vile lead mutineer, Karl Tanner makes one final quality attempt at deserving his death by preparing to rape Meera, but is stopped in his tracks as Jojen foretells his future: that of becoming a broken, burning corpse before night's end. Sure enough, Jon Snow runs him through the head with his sword (in an odd bit of foreshadowed action considering Podrick's specific tale of death not 15 minutes earlier). And when Locke sneaks in to kidnap Bran (I don't really understand why he didn't just kill them all straight away, while they're all tied up - maybe to find out where Rikon is?), Bran pulls a very satisfying trick by wargging into Hodor, breaking his chains and then tearing Locke's head out of its socket. Man, that was sweet. 

Hodor smash!
And so Craster's Keep is burnt to the ground as Bran, the (suddenly) reinvigorated Jojen, Meera and Hodor head back on the trail in search of the three eyed raven and the weirwood tree. But at least Jon reunites with his direwolf. One more ohhhh moment.

I almost forgot: Lysa expects Sansa to marry her weird son Robin. Gross. That probably won't happen though will it? I mean, Lysa is sure to 'trip' and fall through the moon door any minute, yeah? And then the conveniently widowed Littlefinger will simply marry Sansa. Nothing to worry about!

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